invasion

today, i write more in the middle of the day. the reason: the shit has hit the fan.

to this point, i have not really gotten into the whole demise of my most recent relationship. i am trying to think of a codename to use for her from this point forward. i will merely call her "B".

well, she and i were living together for a little over a month now. now that the breakup arrived, she is moving to her parents' nearby and i am trying to figure out what the hell i am going to do. whether i will be trying to find a new roommate to share my apartment...or trying to find a place of my own. it is a total toss-up at this point. so most of her things were moved out this past weekend but she has maybe one carload left of little things...which she had been planning to get out in a couple of days. i did not see much of a problem with that, i am an easygoing guy.

so, she went there today during her lunch break. not sure if it was for the convenience, to pack up some more of the stuff or to soak up as much time with my cat as she could before leaving for good. but for some reason, she says she had a bad feeling, and she went into my computer and started digging into things, checking my history of sites visited on the internet, most importantly. and she stumbled upon this site called Myspace.com. she figured she would check it out, to see what her EX-boyfriend was doing on this site and what it was. i was still logged into the site so she was able to act as if she was me. she saw that i had pictures of myself on my profile and was a little curious. she saw that i had checked "dating" next to interests and got pissed. she decided to read by "blogs" and was furious. how could i say all of these things and not to her?! she called me from the apartment which lease she was on through the end of today. called me at work. and wanted to yell at me for this. for lying to her. for hiding things from her. for wanting to date girls and getting their phone numbers.

and there it was. the end of our friendship. how quickly things end.

i just do not know how to deal with her jealousy. especially now. so, i could not deal with it before or the way that she needs to spend 24 hours a day with her boyfriend. so what did i do? i ended it. but now, that we are trying to be friends... how do i deal with these things? especially when she believes in her heart that there is nothing wrong with the way she is acting? that because of the fact that some of the times that she has these feelings, that she is right... that alone dignifies it and makes it okay to act in her mind.

i am lost.